Alone with my thoughts at Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve Falls on a Thursday, Dec. 24, 2009, here in the middle east its falls on a weekend and Christmas Days falls on Friday...As an OFW... the link or reminder that I keep with my love ones and family in country is as a Filipino I always think of Thursdays here as Saturdays and Fridays as Sundays...these days are my weekend days here where I do my laundry, ironing, and other personal chores I need to do in the absence of anyone to do it for me...but...ME!!!! But before I get any further from what I intended to write about....Each Night as I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling or in the window of my cabin and with my thoughts on my family...I pray for strength for my weariness...I dearly miss them...but I don't let this sentimental notion get into my system...because it will only eat you up...I would normally brush this sentimentality aside with rationalize thoughts of why I have to be here...etc...all the reasons...I could think of...I would even blame the lame government and economy of my country that pushed so many workers like me to seek employment and better opportunities abroad and that my own country itself could not provide me with...specially for ageing people like me... it is painful to be parted with your family in such a way that cards dealt to you by fate is such loneliness in life...of living alone...and working your life away in such desolate places...anyway...I miss them...December 24 is my wedding anniversary...and my last year's celebrations were so bleak because I was out of the job then...and this year's celebration is spent all by myself...the thoughts and memories of my family accompanying me through a very terrible cold night in December 2009...but I could only savor and let this emptiness inside me for 5 minutes and really feel my loneliness...because I need to feel it to treasure them more....and after that I need to come back to my reality and face the drudgery of my work life alone...and look forward again to the next day...until the day that will come for me to go home to the loving arms of my family...this vision is what is keeping my spirit up....and that day will come sooner or later ...